Nyamuneka ntuzavuge cyangwa ngo ukoreshye aya magambo 6 mugihe warakaye urimo uganira n’umuntu

Umujinya, uburakari cyangwa ubwoba ni bimwe mu bintu bishobora gutuma umuntu abwira mugenzi we amagambo mabi cyangwa akomeretsa igihe hari ibyo batumvikanaho cyangwa hari ibyo bapfuye. Kuko kenshi iyo bimeze gutyo, uwarakaye aba avuga ibimujemo byose atitaye ku ngaruka bishobora kugira kuwo abwira.

Nubwo uwo ubwira ashobora kuba azi ko ibyo uvuga uri kubiterwa n’umujinya, amagambo mabi wavuze ntabura icyo ahindura ku mubano wanyu n’iyo cyaba gito. Rero ni byiza ko uyungurura amagambo uvuga igihe warakaye cyangwa utishimiye ibyo mugenzi wawe akubwira.

Mu gitabo ‘Choosing Courage’ cyanditswe n’umushakashatsi akaba n’umwarimu muri Kaminuza ya Virginia, James R. Detert, yagaragaje ibintu bitandatu umuntu agomba kwirinda igihe yarakaye cyangwa aganira na mugenzi we ku ngingo batumvikano.

1. Witekereza ko ibyo uvuga ari byo kandi byumvikana

Rimwe na rimwe iyo uri kuganira n’umuntu ku kintu mutumvikanaho uba wumva ibyo uvuga ari ibyo ijana ku ijana ahubwo wibaza impamvu uwo ubwira atari kumva impamvu uvuga ukuri. Ugasanga utangiye gukoresha amagambo nka “ubu ikitumvikana ni iki?”, “mu bigaragara” cyangwa se “nta gushidikanya”.

Iyo amagambo uvuga atangiye kumvikanisha ko ibyo abandi batekereza ari amafuti cyangwa atari byo, uwo muganira ashobora kubifata nabi cyane akumva ko umusuzuguye bityo bigatuma ahindura uko akubona cyangwa agufata.

Ni ngombwa rero ko igihe cyose uganira n’umuntu ku bintu mutumvikanaho ugomba kwirinda amagambo yerekana ko ibyo utekereza ari byo by’ukuri iby’abandi nta shingiro bifite.

2. Wikabiriza ibintu

Niba umuntu yakurakaje hari igihe wisanga uri kuvuga amagambo afite uburemere burenze ikosa wakorewe. Ugasanga utangiye kuvuga ngo “Kandi igihe cyose uhora…” Cyangwa se ngo “Nta na rimwe ujya…”

Si byiza gukabya kuko aho kugira ngo ibintu bibe byiza usanga uri kubigira bibi kurushaho, ikibazo kigatangira kuba amagambo ukoresha aho kuba icyaguteye kuyavuga.

Niba ushaka ko uwakurakaje akosora ibyo yagukoreye, mubwire amagambo atari butume nawe agufata nabi, amagambo atuma yumva ikosa yakoze akarihindura.

3. Wibwira umuntu icyo yagakwiye gukora

Kubwira umuntu uti “wagombaga gukora gutya,” byumvikanisha ko hari uko ibintu bigomba kuba bimeze ariko we akaba atari byo yakoze.

Ibi ushobora kubivuga igihe ufite itsinda ry’abantu uyoboye cyangwa uri umukoresha kuko inshingano uba ufite ziba zibikwemerera. Ariko kubibwira umuntu udakoresha cyangwa utari mu nshingano zawe rimwe na rimwe bikurura umwuka mubi ndetse ugasanga nta n’umusaruro bitanze, kuko we ntabyumva nko kumukosora ahubwo yumva ari ukumucisha bugufi.

Aho kugira ngo rero umubwira ngo “wagombaga gukora gutya” ushobora gukoresha andi magambo nka “Ese wigeze utekereza ko uramutse ubikoze gutya…?” cyangwa se “Bibaye byiza wakora gutya” cyangwa se “Ushobora kubikora gutya”.

Aya magambo ashobora gutuma uwo ubwira agutega amatwi kandi ntabifate nabi ibyo uvuga cyangwa ngo yumve asuzuguwe.

4. Wishinja abantu ko ari bo batumye urakara

Kuba umuntu yakurakaza ukavuga nabi birumvikana, kuko umuntu muzima wese byamubaho. Ariko kurakara ugatangira kuvuga icyaguteye uburakari nta kintu na kimwe bifasha.

Urugero, uramutse uri kuganira n’umuntu, undi agahita aguca mu ijambo ku buryo rwose buteye umujinya, ukumva urarakaye isura igahinduka ugatangira no kuvuga amagambo arimo uburakari. Ukavuga uti ‘Igihe cyose untera umujinya iyo unshiye mu ijambo’.

Iyo utangiye kumwereka ko ari we mpamvu yo kuba ugize umujinya, bituma mutongana nawe ashaka kukwereka ko atari we ubiteye. Kubera ko ubusanzwe abantu banga umuntu ubabwira ko aribo nyirabayazana w’ibintu bibi byabaye ibyo ari byo byose. Rero iyo umubwiye nabi aho kugusaba imbabazi ko akurogoye mutangira gutongana.

Icyiza ni ukumubwira uti “Iyo rero unshiye mu ijambo gutyo numva unsuzuguye, bikandakaza. Umbabariye ntiwazongera” cyangwa ukamubwira uti “Ndagusabye ntuzongere kunsha mu ijambo ntararangiza kuvuga” cyangwa se wakumva udashoboye kuvuga amagambo atarakaza umuntu ukwamihorera ntihagire icyo uvuga ku makosa agukoreye ugakomeza ibyo urimo.

5. Wikwereka umuntu ko aciriritse

Bibaho ko umuntu mwigana cyangwa mukorana ashobora gukora ibintu, ukabona ko rwose biciriritse cyangwa atari byo. Icyo gihe iyo umubwiye amagambo amwereka ko nta kintu azi biramukomeretsa bigatuma mushobora gutongana akwereka ko ibyo yakoze abizi neza, mu rwego rwo kugira ngo utamucisha bugufi.

Aho gukoresha amagambo arasa ku ngingo neza, biba byiza iyo usasiye ibyo uvuga, ukabivuga mu buryo budasesereza cyangwa butababaza.

6. Wibwira umuntu ngo ‘Ntubifate nabi”

Igihe cyose ubwiye undi muntu ngo ntabifate nabi ni uko uba ubizi neza ko ari bibi nyine kandi atari bubyakire neza.

Urugero, umuntu akubwiye ati “Ugira ibiheri byinshi mu maso wisize ‘ibi’ ntibyakubera.” Yarangiza akongera ngo “Ariko ntubifate nabi”. Mu by’ukuri umuntu ufite ibiheri mu maso ntabwo aba abyishimiye. Kumwibutsa ko hari ibitamubera kubera ko afite ibiheri biramukomeretsa.

Rero iyo arakaye cyangwa bimuteye umujinya kumubwira ngo ‘Ntubifate nabi’ bimurakaza kurusho. Niba koko utashakaga ko abifata nabi ntiwari ukwiriye kubivuga, mu gihe wabivuze irinde kongeraho ngo ‘Ntubifate nabi’ kuko nta kintu na kimwe biri bugabanye ku magambo aserereza wamubwiye cyangwa ku bikorwa runaka wamukoreye.

Ni ngombwa rero ko mu buzima busanzwe abantu biga kuganira mu buryo butababaza cyangwa ngo bukomeretse bagenzi babo mu rwego rwo kwirinda intonganya zitari ngombwa.

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